who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
