I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
