You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
