so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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