Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize