youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
