May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
