What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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