i love accidental penises.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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