Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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