Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
