I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
