Do you still have your period?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
my liver is dry heaving
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
