WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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