Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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