every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
