i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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