dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just blew my weed a kiss
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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