He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
