all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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