i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
