So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
