when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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