she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
