You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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