It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
