I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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