I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
