i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
