I accidentally had phone sex last night
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
