The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
