in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
