Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
