Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
