I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
