At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
