Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
