Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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