He told me they were just razor bumps!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
