I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
