So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
