Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
