we're chasing vodka with high fives
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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