My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
