I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize