yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
