o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
