I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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