dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
