He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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