please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize