i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
