i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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