saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
