I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
