so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
