That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize