so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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