are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
