vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
