i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
