OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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