that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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