look no pants
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
