so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize