I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
