Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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