i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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