just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
