if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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